Building Trust

Trust. A very powerful word.

One of the things I really like to do when working with a team that is wanting to improve their performance, is to ask how I can build trust with each of them individually. To set it up I'll say, "Let's imagine that I am a new member of the team and am starting work tomorrow. What would be the number one way I could build trust with you?" This makes people start to think of trust in actionable behaviors rather than some mysterious word that we all think is so important. Each individual on the team is given the opportunity to share their perspective. Typical answers are the following:

Show up on time.

Be a good team member.

Get to know me.

Acknowledge that my experience and knowledge are valuable.

Be friendly.

Be reliable.

Have my back.

Do your fair share of the work.

Be honest.

Some of these are behaviors, such as "show up on time." But what does it mean to be reliable? What's the best way to show that I'm acknowledging your expertise and experience? When people are asked what each of these look like, answers begin to take shape into behaviors. Often times, people say that asking a lot of questions is a way to show that you are acknowledging their expertise. Or being reliable, means you'll do what you say you are going to. Being a good team member, means something entirely different to each individual. One person may say, come in, do your work and be cordial. While another may say, let's have lunch together occasionally. Regardless of the answer, the exercise is focused on asking what it looks like, because this truly lets you know how to build trust with that individual.

Inevitably, someone says "be honest." Aha! That's what we all want, right? In the immortal words of Lee Corso, "not so fast my friend..."

It is certainly reasonable to think that honesty is key in building trust. Even more importantly, it's the delivery method of the honesty that is essential to building the trust. I follow up this assertion with a question. "Can I be brutally honest?" The person usually says yes. I immediately follow with "Okay, I think the way you did your last project was terrible." Eyes widen a bit and then it's time to explain that honesty is important if it's delivered appropriately. How about this... "Are you open to some suggestions on the last project you led? There were some really good things that came from it and I think there are some areas that could be improved." More palatable, right?

Building trust is essential. Selecting the words we use in communication with others is essential in building trust. It's very likely that in every interaction with another human building, you are either building trust or you are breaking it down. It's hard to believe that it ever stays stagnate. To some degree its been improved or degraded in every conversation, email, or nonverbal communication. Be purposeful in your quest to build trust and to consider whether your behaviors are supporting your goal of building trust.